For The Sound Interview - April 23rd, 2006

By Laura Berger
Source

If this man's story doesn't inspire you, I would recommend reevaluating some things in life. Andrew McMahon has remained consistently positive throughout his courageous battle with leukemia and has --admirably-- managed to stay optimistic about the world in general. Having the opportunity to catch up with Andrew was a pleasure as always -- both professionally, and as a huge fan of his art. We cover a wide array of subjects: God and gods, new songs, his family, Dawson's Creek, the future, costumes, and much more.

The turbulent period of self discovery chronicled in Everything In Transit seems like it reached a peak when you were ultimately diagnosed with leukemia. You used to situate a Buddha atop your piano to ground you: a symbol for “waking up”. Do you feel like this chaotic period in your life has concluded? Have you established a better sense of self?
Andrew: Yeah, absolutely. What you said, hahaha. I think it was actually key to moving on from that whole thought process. It's a weird thing. Everybody expected me to be pretty wigged out when I was diagnosed; in all honesty, it was probably the most peaceful I have been in many years. It was a very interesting thing. At first, I thought –and everyone else thought – that I was in shock, but it never went away. I was ready for a break: it was time. It was an interesting kind of break. I was so exhausted. By the time we were talking (last May in Detroit), I was starting to get really sick then—whether I was willing to admit it or not. Ultimately, I was on a path that was somewhat self destructive. By getting physically sick, I was forced to take the time and just say “I'm not working; I'm doing this”, even though I managed to still work, hahaha. It was kind of the first time where I thought “Wow. Nature does rule this world. It isn't going to let you do what you want all the time; you've got to give in to it sometimes.” I learned a lot from that.

In the event that Everything in Transit was the last piece of music you created, you stated that you'd be proud and content with it. Now that you have the opportunity to expand your catalog, do you have any ideas about what subject matter you'll cover?
Andrew: Everything In Transit was a kind of a perspective change, in a lot of ways: my traveling through the world and trying to readjust my perspective on things. What I've gone through in the past year kind of put the nail in that. I'm starting to write a lot. I have a whole record worth of songs written up until the second chorus, hahaha. Two days ago was the first time I finished a song other than The Lights and the Buzz. I'm starting to get there; when we get off the run, we're going to go in and start recording again with the boys from Jack's. Yeah, I feel like the next thing is definitely an extension of the last record, and that's why I've decided to broach it with the band. We'll see what comes out. I want it to be very majestic—very dreamy sounding, but also kind of fucked up and weird too.

More abstract?
Andrew: I hate to use the word abstract, because I find that I make pop music best. I still want it to be a pop record; the last record was my favorite thing that I've done, but it was still built out of necessity as far as the way we came up with sound. “We don't have a drummer. Let's find a drummer that kind of works with this sound.” That's how we approached everything. We're going to have a lot of tools at our disposal to really drive in musically and develop each track. It will be interesting sonically, but I think it will still be pop. I really don't know what it will be like until I start recording it, but we'll probably have a good idea by May.

Will your lyrics be significantly affected by what happened?
Andrew: Yeah, absolutely. I've always been really affected lyrically by what's happening to me.

And especially something of this magnitude.
Andrew: Yeah. Whether every song is directly about what I went through, the subject will definitely be peppered through every word.

Southern California has always been a huge influence on Something Corporate and especially Jack's Mannequin. What is it about the area that arouses so much creativity in you?
Andrew: It's weird. I think that every writer that I've ever fallen in love with –in music or on paper – I think it happens with writers in general, when they find a place that they consider home, it becomes the backdrop of a lot of their stories. I read a lot of Bukowski during the period of time that I was writing Everything In Transit...

His thing was Hollywood, right?
Andrew: Yeah, Hollywood area, but he was very much a Los Angeles man. All of a sudden, it clicked in me: let's give this story a setting. I think that was the biggest transitional part of the record. It was the thing that tied that whole story together –more than anything– was the location. I wanted to tell the story relative to where I was. It became much more powerful visually. I touched on that idea in the past, but I did it much more intentionally and specifically on this record than in the past. If I couldn't find a lyric, I would just talk about where I was. It was amazingly grounding for that record; when I couldn't find anything to write about, there was always still something to write about in this amazing place and I felt really connected with it.

Do you feel like normal has been the watchword as of late? Is touring helping you fill a void that has perhaps existed in the past year?
Andrew: Nothing is normal, I would say. That's okay with me; I'm not really on edge anymore about my health. I feel like I've reached a status quo. Little things come here and there, and there are certain things that I can and can't do, and more by the day that I can do.

Gradually..
Andrew: Yeah. I've definitely been eased into it. It's gotten to the point where it's normal enough. It's more like I used to live than not. It's gotten comfortable in that sense. Being on the road, there was an initial period of agoraphobia. It was hard. Just leaving was strange and I had gotten really attached to my surroundings. You sort of aquaint home at that point to your well being and it gets nerve wracking. After the first couple trips we made, I started feeling more comfortable. Now it feels great, but now we're getting busier and busier...

Which is a double edged sword, sort of.
Andrew: Yeah, a little bit. It's a funny thing. I feel like the completion of this record and the outward promotion of this record is a huge part of finishing this chapter in my life. As hard as it is to see my schedule packed up for the next five or six months, I feel like I have to give this thing a shot. I want a gold record on this fucker.

You're determined.
Andrew: I really am. I've said it before, but I've never been...

So adamant about it?
Andrew: I'm pretty fucking adamant about it.

In I'm Ready, you write “My life has become a boring pop song and everyone's singing along.” That statement is inaccurate now. Should you change the line, how would it end? “My life has become a...”
Andrew: Oh...a...circus? That's my favorite lyric on the record but I think it's harshly misunderstood. I think people assume that it's a slam to where I was, and it was actually more of a self criticism than anything. I had gotten to a point where I was recycling my day – doing a Groundhog sort of thing. That lyric sort of woke me up and broke me out of that. I wrote that song before I really started writing most of the record.

And writing the record probably helped you get out of that stage.
Andrew: Yeah! It was kind of like, “You're calling yourself out, so make something happen now.” I think now my life is...well, my feet are definitely much more on the ground than they have been before. I feel a lot more centered and a lot more focused.

The one specific writer, musician, or character that I can relate to is...
Andrew: Okay, I'm going to say...and I don't know why...but this was the first thing that came to mind, Richie Tenenbaum.

From the Royal Tenenbaums!?
Andrew: Hahaha, yes.

That's hilarious. My family always jokes that we're going to get matching tracksuits.
Andrew: We're actually thinking of doing that for the band. Hahaha.

My sister always made me...
Andrew: My sister pissed me off, quite literally. I'll fill in the blank with a story. One day my sister was cooking something. She was probably in the sixth or seventh grade, and she lit a bowl of paper towels on fire. She ran away because she was scared. So I put it out with a big thing of orange juice.

Orange juice!?
Andrew: It was the first liquid I could see! It worked.

Joey from Dawson's Creek belongs with....
Andrew: Meee.

No! Dawson or Pacey.
Andrew: Dawson, probably.

Dawson!?!?
Andrew: Look....all I'm sayin' is...I watched a lot of that show. When I was sick, I watched the entire fucking...every episode of Dawson's Creek. They played two episodes in the morning on TBS. I watched every episode for many many months.

Did you cry in any?
Andrew: No, I did not cry. I did like the episode where Pacey had to save Dawson despite their differences. Dude, I believe in true love (which is why I picked Dawson.)

Meet Me At My Window was inspired by...
Andrew: It was a writing exercise. They asked me to write a song for that soundtrack and asked me to include the word Superman in it. I said I would never do that. I hate all songs with the name Superman in it with the exception of the Crash Test Dummies song because it was the first modern one. It seemed like every year after that a band released a song with Superman in the title to make some cash and put it out as a single. It really bothered me and I said I wouldn't do it. “Can you just try?” “I won't write a Superman song.” So I wrote that song and like I said, everything that I've written recently will have some effect of what I've been through. It's kind of a Madonna pop dance song; it's really high pitched. It's fun. It's kind of about the idea of heroism in general and an expose on that thought process: the idea of someone being there to get you through something that you can't on your own.

If I was a super hero, my costume would be... .
Andrew: I've been talking about how I wish I had spent more time in a cape as a child. I just saw a kid walking around at Bagel's the other day and he had a rad cape on. There would definitely be a cape involved.

What logo would you incorporate?
Andrew: I don't know, but I've been rocking the asterisk pretty hard lately; my super hero would have to have some variation of the asterisk involved. That's sort of my life symbol now.

Some tentative song titles for the tracks I'm recording at the end of the month are...
Andrew: That's funny. The one that I know we're going to record doesn't have a title right now. We're going to work on a song called Cell Phone– people have already seen that title floating around. There's a song called Diane. It's like I said, I haven't written anything past a second chorus so everything's kind of incomplete. There's another song called Bonnie and Clyde.

Hahaha. Is Jay Z going to make an appearance?
Andrew: Oh no...I don't think so. Why? Does he have a song called Bonnie and Clyde?

Yes, with Beyonce.
Andrew: Maybe I won't do it than. I haven't really gotten into the title phase yet.

My reputation in high school was..
Andrew: I was definitely the guy in a band.

Were you the cool guy in the band or the geek?
Andrew: It was really weird. I was like a benign force that floated around. I was friendly with just about everyone; I was sort of a politician in high school, really. I was on student council for two years even though I never went to school. I got along with most people. I had a group of friends who didn't play into the social..

Archetypes?
Andrew: Yeah, per se. We were just friends from when we were these little freshman. We all spread out into different areas, doing different things; some did sports, others did theatre. Everyone did different things, which I liked. It kept me out of the drama which I was always kind of disgusted about in high school.

Nearly a year ago, I asked you to describe a very bleak experience, and a beautiful and inspiring one. Could you do the same now?
Andrew: My year in general has been a mix of both; it was a sort of balance of the two, if that makes any sense. Very bleak but inspiring at the same time. Maybe bleak isn't the right word, but daunting for sure.

Many people turn to spirituality as a source of comfort in times of uncertainty You were already assessing the state of your own spiritual and religious beliefs and examining your interior life. Did your fight with leukemia cause you to strengthen those convictions by incorporating many principles, or did you direct all of your focus on more tangible aspects of life– like loved ones?
Andrew: I definitely think that –if nothing else– I found something very godly about my connections with people in general, period. There was a lot about the previous year where I had disconnected from a lot of people, and a lot of my family –not in an excommunicating way, hahaha. More in the sense that, I sort of introverted myself, pushed a lot of things away, and focused on a very narrow group of people who allowed me to go my way and not ask questions about it. It was a little bit cowardly, but nevertheless, the way I did it. By getting sick all of a sudden, I was really relying on a lot of the people that I had pushed aside in a lot of ways. I don't think I felt really guilty about it, but more than anything, I'm glad I was confronted with something that made me sort out who was really there –not that anyone wasn't– but it brought back many people in my life who I hadn't been involved with in the previous course of the year. I spent a lot of time meditating and I had Yogis in my room twice a week doing various different bizarre Eastern meditations and rituals. I spent a lot of time in Indian therapy. I definitely explored that side of my spirituality more. At the end of the day, I realized that I think religion in general is really one big metaphor for the same thing. I think people lose sight of that very quickly and easily and get caught up with the mores, and the things that are very specific and nitty gritty that are pushed on people via their religion, that play into more what is socially acceptable, and miss the point. Reading as much as I can on different philosophies and faiths, I think that they're all saying the same thing: we really are a piece of nature, connected, and it's best if we make the best contribution possible. If nothing else, it was very grounding.

I was reading the Jack's Mannequin message board and a thread entitled “How Did You Meet Andrew” came to my attention. Some of your fans wrote an entire page dedicated to a five minute encounter with you and said how it was the best day of their lives. You have always maintained a strong relationship with your fans. Why do you invest so much time in that?
Andrew: I guess there are probably a lot of reasons. It just seems like the right thing to do; the natural thing to do, for me.

Not being a diva? Hahaha.
Andrew: It's funny, because maybe I was nine or ten and started writing music and someone said “You're amazing!” it might be different. By the time that I really had any notoriety on a larger scale, in my opinion, I had been working at it for ten years to get there. Seeing people all of a sudden show up, I felt a natural sense of appreciation because I had been waiting for them for a long time. People might think it's sort of a one way streak—the digestion of someone's words and thoughts and taking them so personally– but for me, I feel like giving that is a pretty big deal too. Knowing that people are sitting with some of my more personal thoughts, keeps us connected in a way. It's always been natural for me to spend the time to talk to them, and see what they think, see what they like, and what kind of person enjoys what I do.

Your songs and life philosophies have a profound impact on many of your fans. Who was your favorite teacher and what role did they play in shaping you as a person?
Andrew: Wow... good question. I think my Mom, probably. We've always had a very interesting relationship and I cite her in that sense, but she'd probably argue that it doesn't show, hahaha. Not that I'm mean to her! In some sense, sometimes your greatest teacher is the person you have the hardest time communicating with. I think we learned a lot from each other when I was at a very young age; through my life, we've had to barrel through a lot of hurdles. Truthfully, from both of my parents, I learned that life isn't necessarily easy but it is always worth figuring it out. That, if nothing else, has had the most profound effect on me– learning that sometimes your circumstances suck, but life doesn't.

You have become something of an unofficial spokesperson for PCRF. Fans have created projects to help raise money for the organization. Are you grateful that your music has touched so many lives that fans are willing –and enthusiastic– to put their effort into something that a personal link to you?
Andrew: Yeah, it's crazy. It blows my mind, to be honest. I expected something to happen when we put (THE PCRF link) up. I knew –just knowing the people who listen to the music– that there'd be some sort of outreach when people found out I was sick. We put that up there as... “If you really want to make an impression, send something to these people and let's get something done for this disease.” You know, flowers are nice, but I couldn't even have flowers at that point because they had the potential to make me really sick. The snowball of kids self motivating and finding ways to raise extreme amounts of money beyond their own personal contributions, that I didn't foresee. I was really impressed and it made me feel really good about humanity in general: that in everyone, there was a selflessness that when called into action to make a difference, a lot of people did. That made me very personally satisfied from the perspective that they were fans of what I did, but as a person in general, satisfied with human nature in general.

Okay, this quote is from a book by an author who had lymphatic cancer. “All memory is porous. Details can change or go missing entirely, particularly in moments of physical peril. A kind of amnesia goes hand in hand with sickness, and a good thing, too.” In some ways, do you think remembering everything that happened to you would be beneficial in dictating how you live the rest of your life?
Andrew: Yes and no. I agree with that in a huge way. There's a lot of stuff that comes back to you when people remind you , and then it makes me think of things that went on when people weren't around, that I lost. Last night I had a conversation with someone I'm really close to at my record company and they kept a journal through the entire process to remind me what happened on a day to day basis when I was really sick. I called her last night and asked if I could get my hands on that journal to sort of go through and really try to figure out what happened. I documented through the whole first half of the process, but then it got to the point where I didn't want to document anymore; I regret that –because I like knowing. It's an interesting reminder of what he says in that quote: you sort of detach from all of those things because it's not really you. In a lot of ways, though, the most you that you can be is when...

You're stripped of everything?
Andrew: Yeah. I remember it as about as real as anything. You know, you're fucking 115 pounds, have no hair anywhere, and you look like that....all of a sudden, you start thinking like yourself for the first time – and it's a good thing.

If you could bestow one admirable quality in every single person in the world, what would you choose?
Andrew: Tolerance –just the ability to tolerate. If there was just a little bit more of that in everybody, there's so much bad that would not be.

What are some of your dreams in life, both professional and personal?
Andrew: I think in general, in my life, I am constantly striving for a place where I can find a good balance where I'm certain that I can continue doing this, what I do in some capacity –just music in general that makes me happy. I also want to not ever feel like have to be disappearing from home for months at a time to do that. Not to say that I don't want to tour, but I want to be able to call the shots and not be in this position where it's like “I have to take this. It's too good not to.” It's weird because it is the reality, but in my brain, it's a hard reality to grasp. I think getting closer to that point is sort of my biggest goal, and just staying here.

So reaching an equilibrium between touring and personal life?
Andrew: I think so. I think just an equilibrium period, where there's a balance between what I do and who I am.

Any final comments?
Andrew: No, you do a very nice interview, Laura Berger.

Thank you Andrew.
Andrew: Thanks.